hi everyone! no post last week as i was enjoying being in my boyfriend’s presence again for the first time in nearly two months and didn’t want to focus on anything else, but we’re back. i hope your september was the best it could have been under the circumstances. let’s reflect on something small instead of talking about the world-
On the last day of the month, I spent 16 hours traveling from Massachusetts to Virginia. You might be asking if it needs to take that long, and the answer is no. Also, I say it all happened on the last day of the month, and that’s because it feels like it did. The separation of days is difficult without sleep. In reality, it was something like 6:30 pm- 10:30 am. And I’m still suffering the consequences, so pardon if I’m making even less sense than usual. But I did finish four books during my travel day, so it wasn’t a total loss.
I’m back in Richmond for a limited time only (mostly for the state fair and birthday activities) in between a few weeks in Massachusetts. My first week up north after two months away was a much-needed refresher. Through most of September, I was feeling very unmotivated, finding it hard to work and focus, and feeling kind of lonely. My first day in Mass, I sat in on one of Zac’s classes, and I felt my brain let out a sigh of relief. I discovered that the thing I had been missing more than anything else was having other people around to work with. Talking in person about things I hadn’t previously considered in the music I listen to, in a very nerdy way, gave me my zest for life back.
In Virginia, I don’t really talk about my work with anyone, and that really takes a toll on my motivation. I need to talk to people about a very niche musical topic. I need to go to lectures and classes. My brain is addicted to that shit. When my brain goes to sleep, I want to throw a brick. Is this addiction to stress and toxic productivity? Probably. But it’s also raging against recent anti-intellectualism, so I’m going with it.
I know I’ve already posted about this everywhere, but we also went to the Emily Dickinson Museum, which was fucking sick!!!! Something else my brain needs that it’s been missing: reconnecting with my long-time favorite girls. I was an avid Emily Dickinson reader (and memorizer and reciter) in high school, and when I moved to Boston for my undergrad, it was on my very long bucket list of things I wanted to do while I was there.
I soon found out that Amherst was nowhere near Boston and there was no good way to get there and none of my friends had cars, so it took me securing a man with a car to finally get over there five years later, but it was worth the wait. Once again, hearing about how cool she is and how prolifically she wrote, even just being in an old house, gave me some life back. I felt like my skin cleared and I got five years added to my life. We need inspiring people! We need interests!! We need passions!!! And we need people to support that! Go back to something you loved in high school; one of your favorite books or movies or anything you love and have been separated from for a long time. I can almost guarantee there’s some bit of motivation and artistic creativity still left to find there.
thank you for reading! hopefully getting back into a good groove, but i’m sorry if this is still bad. life is a journey or whatever.
in other news: I conducted research for two of the chapters in Clowns in the Burying Ground, a book written by one of my BU mentors, Chris Coffman. It’s now available for preorder through Duke University Press. Check it out!